he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
