i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
