just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
