So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
