nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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