I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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