john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
40s are totally the cure
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
