and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
