I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
