I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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