just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
