You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
