I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
