my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
love makes seman taste better
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
