I feel like abortions should bother me more
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
