My friends, they love my intelligence
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
