I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
