u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
