dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Are my feet made of real feet?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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