Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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