are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
