Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
