what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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