totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
