I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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