If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
