My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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