I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
