Small penises have feelings too.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
