Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
