my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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