is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
