I think I am morally bankrupt
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
