I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
