There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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