dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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