i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
