I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
