i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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