Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
