i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
