Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
ttyl tear gas
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
