I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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