I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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