I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
is it fun? or sober?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
