So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
