So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
