It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
