In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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