the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I take back everything I said about communal showers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
